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Band 6.5

In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree?

#future #reason #mall #entertainment #shop
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It is predicted that in the coming years, the purpose that residents visit shopping malls is for relaxation
instead
 of going shopping.
This
 essay will present detailed reasons why I'm afraid I have to disagree with
this
 opinion. On the one hand, in the future, many entertainment places will appear in supermarkets, including coffee shops, cinemas, and restaurants.
For instance
, the public can make an appointment with their friends at the coffee shop in the mall which is a suitable place for hanging out or taking perfect photos.
Moreover
, beverage stores inside the supermarket usually have more comfortable spaces and quality refreshments that are better than roadside stores.
In addition
, based on inhabitants' psychology, they tend to go to malls with many entertainment categories
instead
 of going to each small store.
For example
, they can go to both restaurants and cinemas without
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
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a long distance.
On the other hand
,
besides
 amusement, going shopping is still the main aim why inhabitants visit the mall.
This
 comes from the people's needs and products sold in marts are usually plentiful and diverse. Consumers can find their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 goods imported from well-known trademarks all over the world.
Furthermore
, there are
also
 promotions to stimulate purchases making customers shop more. In conclusion, I believe that in the future people not only go to the mall for fun but
also
 for shopping. The important thing is that the primary purpose of the supermarket’s establishment is to provide customers with a good place to shop comfortably.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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Coherence
Carefully review transitions between ideas to ensure they flow smoothly, enhancing cohesion.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and details to strengthen your argument.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion clearly frame your essay, effectively setting up your argument and summarizing it at the end.
Language Use
You make good use of a variety of sentence structures, which contributes to the readability of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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