IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school. Some people believe that this is a negative development while others think there are some benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Over the
last
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 few years, numerous changes have been witnessed in the field of commuting. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to spend more and more
time
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 on travels between their homes and places for work or studies.
While
Linking Words
 it is considered by some that
such
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 a tendency might provide citizens with particular benefits, I believe that it negatively affects
people
Use synonyms
’s lives. On the one hand, some
people
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 could argue that long travels to work or school might
ensure
Verb problem
provide
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 citizens with additional
time
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. In fact, extra
time
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 would enable passengers to do their uncompleted tasks.
In other words
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, 30 minutes of additional
time
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 on a bus or a train would allow an employee to check their yesterday’s report or would enable
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 remake their homework. Eventually,
people
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 might leave their tasks for hours spent
while
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 travelling in the morning, thereby allocating more
time
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 for personal purposes in the evenings.
On the other hand
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, I am convinced that commuters would be obliged to wake up early in order to be at work or at school
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.
This
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 would constitute a reason for going to bed soon as well, leading to a shortage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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evening
time
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 spent on family, entertainment or any other private activities.
Consequently
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, I am certain that
instead
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 of enjoying free
time
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 during late hours,
people
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 would fall asleep soon so as to wake up early to arrive
to
Change preposition
at
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 their destinations in
time
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. Indisputably, it would worsen citizens’ lives. To summarise,
although
Linking Words
 some consider long commuting as an opportunity to finish uncompleted tasks, I am inclined to believe that it will definitely result in a sufficient decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 spent on private purposes in the evenings.

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task achievement
While you have presented both views well, try to develop your arguments with more depth and examples for clarity and stronger support of your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly links to the overall argument, and consider using transition words more effectively to improve flow.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your opinion, setting a good foundation for your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
You have a logical structure in your paragraphs, which helps in guiding the reader through your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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