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Some people think that private schools have many advantages while others think there have many drawbacks for the community. Discuss both sides and give an opinion

#people #schools #community
In today’s educational landscape, there is a significant evolution in the complex dynamics of school types. Some individuals contend that private educational
institutions
 offer distinct advantages,
while
 others dispute
this
 perspective. I hold the view that,
although
 there are numerous benefits associated with private
schools
, these
institutions
also
 present certain drawbacks. On one hand, private
schools
 typically offer superior facilities, including access to high-quality resources
such
 as clean water and appropriate equipment for various subjects.
For instance
, biology labs may be equipped with specimens like skeletons and small animals,
while
 physics labs provide the necessary apparatus for hands-on experimentation.
Furthermore
, these
institutions
 often emphasize extracurricular activities that promote mental development and cultural awareness.
According to
 a survey conducted by a reputable newspaper, 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of 100 respondents who attended private
schools
 demonstrated higher performance on IQ tests, highlighting the positive impact of
such
 educational environments on cognitive development and cultural education.
On the other hand
, private
schools
 often implement a complex fee structure, which can lead to significant financial strain on families as they manage tuition costs.
Additionally
, these
institutions
 generally uphold strict policies and disciplinary measures, which can create considerable stress for students.
Moreover
, there tends to be a stronger emphasis on academic grades rather than on the development of essential skills.
Consequently
, it is evident that private educational
institutions
 have notable drawbacks that warrant consideration. In conclusion,
while
 private
schools
 certainly contribute to the enhancement of students’ mental capabilities and cultural understanding, it is imperative to acknowledge their associated challenges.
Submitted by sangeetakamboz on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Use more varied linking phrases and transition words to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, instead of frequently using 'on one hand... on the other hand,' try alternatives like 'While some argue that... others believe that...' to maintain coherence.
Task Achievement
Don't forget to delve a bit deeper into examples or reasons for each point made to further strengthen your argument. This will help provide more depth and clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clearly presented, giving the essay a strong opening and closing.
Task Achievement
You have done well with providing a balanced discussion by exploring both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical organization of ideas is evident, as each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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