Some people think that private schools have many advantages while others think there have many drawbacks for the community. Discuss both sides and give an opinion

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In today’s educational landscape, there is a significant evolution in the complex dynamics of school types. Some individuals contend that private educational

institutions

Use synonyms

offer distinct advantages,

while

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others dispute

this

Linking Words

perspective. I hold the view that,

although

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there are numerous benefits associated with private

schools

Use synonyms

, these

institutions

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

present certain drawbacks. On one hand, private

schools

Use synonyms

typically offer superior facilities, including access to high-quality resources

such

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as clean water and appropriate equipment for various subjects.

For instance

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, biology labs may be equipped with specimens like skeletons and small animals,

while

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physics labs provide the necessary apparatus for hands-on experimentation.

Furthermore

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, these

institutions

Use synonyms

often emphasize extracurricular activities that promote mental development and cultural awareness.

According to

Linking Words

a survey conducted by a reputable newspaper, 70

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

of 100 respondents who attended private

schools

Use synonyms

demonstrated higher performance on IQ tests, highlighting the positive impact of

such

Linking Words

educational environments on cognitive development and cultural education.

On the other hand

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, private

schools

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often implement a complex fee structure, which can lead to significant financial strain on families as they manage tuition costs.

Additionally

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, these

institutions

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generally uphold strict policies and disciplinary measures, which can create considerable stress for students.

Moreover

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, there tends to be a stronger emphasis on academic grades rather than on the development of essential skills.

Consequently

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, it is evident that private educational

institutions

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have notable drawbacks that warrant consideration. In conclusion,

while

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private

schools

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certainly contribute to the enhancement of students’ mental capabilities and cultural understanding, it is imperative to acknowledge their associated challenges.

Submitted by sangeetakamboz on Wed Nov 20 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Use more varied linking phrases and transition words to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, instead of frequently using 'on one hand... on the other hand,' try alternatives like 'While some argue that... others believe that...' to maintain coherence.

Task Achievement

Don't forget to delve a bit deeper into examples or reasons for each point made to further strengthen your argument. This will help provide more depth and clarity.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are both clearly presented, giving the essay a strong opening and closing.

Task Achievement

You have done well with providing a balanced discussion by exploring both sides of the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Logical organization of ideas is evident, as each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

252 words

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Some people think that private schools have many advantages while others think there have many drawbacks for the community. Discuss both sides and give an opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors, such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think that it is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believed that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?