IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People these days watch TV, films and other programmes alone rather than with other people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages.

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Nowadays, the family spirit of watching different programs together has undergone a significant change
due to
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 the plentifulness of targeted viewerships, promoting the culture of solo streaming services. I uphold the view that
this
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 trend has more benefits than drawbacks. One salient advantage is that
people
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 with different interests in programs had to watch the same videos as previously there was no wide-ranging
content
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 available.
However
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, as time went by, new genres addressing
people
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 with different tastes were
also
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 created in order to engage with more audiences. Consequentially, individuals can now stream whatever
content
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 type they relish without needing other
people
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 around.
For example
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, in the past, every member of the family had to share the same TV and watch the same
content
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, leading to lively debates among viewers.
However
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, with the prevalence of cell phones, each individual now has access to an unlimited array of internet
content
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, encompassing films, documentaries, and series. The disadvantage of
this
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 change is that it eliminated family movie days which used to be one of the most interesting family activities that connected members together.
In other words
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, the rapid introduction of cell phones and the internet has made it possible for everyone to avoid movie nights. Undoubtedly,
this
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 will eventually bring about misery and dissatisfaction with watching movies alone. To illustrate, the majority of
people
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 are proven to feel happier if they are surrounded by their dears
while
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 going to a cinema. In conclusion,
while
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 there might be a pessimistic aspect to watching programs alone at times, I believe that everyone is entitled to consume the
content
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 of their choice.
Therefore
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, the benefits overshadow its drawbacks.

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure a stronger logical structure throughout. Your essay tends to jump between ideas rather quickly, and some points appear underdeveloped. Expanding on these would improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and attempt to restate the question and your view on the topic, which is good. Ensure that the introduction provides a clear outline of the upcoming content and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
While the main points in your essay are somewhat supported, citing more detailed examples would provide a stronger foundation for your arguments and enhance the reader's understanding of your viewpoints.
task achievement
You have provided a response that adequately addresses the task, but it's essential that you cover all parts of the prompt entirely. Ensure that advantages and disadvantages are thoroughly explored.
task achievement
Your ideas are relatively clear and comprehensible, showing an attempt to cover the topic comprehensively. However, deeper analysis and development of these ideas would result in a more persuasive argument.
task achievement
The examples used are relevant yet lack specificity. Providing concrete examples with more detailed information can greatly strengthen your argument and convey your views more convincingly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal freedom
  • compromise
  • negotiate
  • viewing preferences
  • enhanced focus
  • immerse
  • understanding
  • appreciation
  • independent decision-making
  • autonomy
  • personal responsibility
  • isolation
  • social disconnection
  • loneliness
  • shared viewing experiences
  • bonding opportunities
  • collective experience
  • discussions
  • communal aspect
  • screen time
  • physical and mental health
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