IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more people claim that modern work patterns are a source of stress. What do you think are the cause of this. Can you suggest some possible solution?

#people #work #patterns #source #stress
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the working conditions are much better,
such
 as many workplaces have been equipped with air conditioners, other eye-pleasing decorations and evenly comfortable office furniture.
However there
Accept comma addition
However, there
 is an indisputable face that employees are suffering more and more tension in their jobs. Personally, I suppose these are two contributing factors to
this
 issue and it needs to be dealt with differently.
Firstly
, employers' selfishness should be responsible for the gravity at the workplace. These days, in order to reduce the cost of running a company and gain more profits, many employers prefer to downsize the workforce.
As a result
,
this
 can cause a great deal of pressure for employees because each employee has to deal with heavier workloads and works longer hours than they used to. I think the most obvious solution for employers is to work out an effective business strategy to gain more profits rather than squeeze money from their staff. 
Secondly
, the competition among employees is
also
 a trigger for pressure.
For example
, to win the recognition from one's boss, an employee not only has to work harder than anyone else, but he has to deal with complex interpersonal relationship.
Consequently
, these "extra workload" will bring about certain physical and mental pressure to him. A good idea to make the situation better is
also
 for employers to provide a sense of job security by providing long term contract or setting up accepted criteria for employees' raise and promotion system. By doing so,
this
 can avoid a vicious competition among employees.  In conclusion, since the consequences of load at workplace are so harmful for workers that measures suggested above should be taken to ensure that the substance will not reach a level that damages their health well-being.
Submitted by minichristan00 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • workload: the amount of work that someone has to do Example: 'The increasing workload is becoming overwhelming for employees.'
  • burnout: a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress Example: 'Long working hours can eventually lead to burnout.'
  • work-life balance: the balance that an individual needs between time allocated for work and other aspects of life Example: 'Flexible working hours can help achieve a better work-life balance.'
  • digital detox: a period during which a person refrains from using electronic devices such as smartphones or computers Example: 'A digital detox can reduce stress and improve mental health.'
  • job security: the probability that an individual will keep their job, with a low risk of becoming unemployed Example: 'Job security is crucial for reducing stress in the workplace.'
  • micromanagement: a management style whereby a manager closely observes or controls the work of subordinates Example: 'Micromanagement can hinder productivity and increase stress levels among employees.'
  • autonomy: independence or freedom, as of the will or one's actions Example: 'Giving employees more autonomy can help reduce their stress and improve job satisfaction.'
  • career development: the process of managing life, learning, and work over the lifespan Example: 'Career development programs can reduce stress by providing employees with clear growth opportunities.'
What to do next:
Look at other essays: