Despite a variety of sport facilities and gyms, people are less fit nowadays than ever before. What do you think are the main causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?
Compared to previous decades, the number of gyms and sports facilities has increased dramatically. Surprisingly,
however
, the lifestyle of people
and their physical health do not correlate with this
improvement and have even worsened over the years. I will try to explain the roots of this
problem and offer some solutions in that regard.
With all the advances in technological areas, all societies have been more or less industrialized and urbanized in the last
decades. As a result
, most physical jobs are being done by machines and tools, not demanding any physical effort. This
means that compared to older times, people
are less mobile and are stuck in sedentary lifestyles, which leads to a reduction of life quality. Furthermore
, the world economy is going through recurring crises, which contribute to the loss of jobs and a rise in poverty. Hence
, more people
are slaving themselves in return for the minimum wage, only to meet their basic needs. With working long hours
and still having difficulty providing proper housing and sufficient food, going to the gym would be considered a luxury out of reach. Therefore
, people
are less fit and healthy in contrast
with older times.
There is no straightforward answer to how we can overcome this
problem. In addition
to structural modifications to uproot poverty and bettering
the quality of Verb problem
improve
people
's lives, one of the effective solutions can be fitting some exercise hours
in employees' schedules during working hours
. Desk stretches and mobility exercises can help blood circulation and prevent heart conditions resulting from sitting for long hours
. On the other hand
, building gyms inside the offices would solve the problem of commuting to the gym from the office. This
way, employees would have better access to the gym and work out.
In conclusion, finding the roots of people
not being healthy and in shape, these days is quite complex and needs scientific assessment, and fixing them needs structural alterations by the government to have a more healthy societySubmitted by ashkanmlk80 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, consider creating more explicit connections between paragraphs with transitional phrases that show cause and effect, comparison, or contrast.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, but you can enhance their impact by adding a thesis statement and a more powerful final statement that reiterates your solutions.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen main points, ensure each idea is developed fully with clear examples or data where possible.
task achievement
For task achievement, make sure to address all parts of the question more evenly. The essay would benefit from further development of causes before moving onto solutions.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas to provide more depth and insight, which will help clarify your position and arguments to the reader.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples into your argument to support your ideas. Use real-life instances, data, or research findings when appropriate to strengthen your claims.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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