IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.
#show #temperatures #hours #sunshine #year #three #cities
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The graph illustrates the mean
temperatures
Use synonyms
 per month and the tables
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 the average annual number of hours of sunshine for three cities (
London
Use synonyms
, New
York
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
Sydney
Correct word choice
and Sydney
show examples
).
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
while
Linking Words
London
Use synonyms
 and New
York
Use synonyms
 experienced similar changes in the average monthly
temperatures
Use synonyms
,
Sydney
Use synonyms
 experienced
reverse
Correct article usage
a reverse
show examples
 trend.
Moreover
Linking Words
, from the table, it can be seen that
while
Linking Words
 the average yearly number of hours of sunshine in
London
Use synonyms
 made up a minority, New
York
Use synonyms
 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
 had
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
 share. In terms of
temperatures
Use synonyms
, both New
York
Use synonyms
 and
London
Use synonyms
 start the year with low
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
show examples
 (approximately 4.9 and 9.8 respectively).
However
Linking Words
, in these cities, the
temperatures
Use synonyms
 gradually increase, reaching the peak in July (30 in New
York
Use synonyms
 and 24 in
London
Use synonyms
), but
then
Linking Words
 slowly
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
, reaching the lowest
temperatures
Use synonyms
 in December (5 in New
York
Use synonyms
 and 10 in
London
Use synonyms
).
By contrast
Linking Words
,
Sydney
Use synonyms
 had the reverse trend, starting with 25 in January, reaching its lowest temperature in July (15) and gradually rising over the rest months.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
London
Use synonyms
 had the lowest annual hours of sunshine (1180),
while
Linking Words
 the figures for New
York
Use synonyms
 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
 show
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar pattern (2535 and 2473
accordingly
Linking Words
).
Submitted by dunyasuleimanova123 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperatures, london, york, sydney with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "tables" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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