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Band 6

Some people think that schools should reward students with the best academic results, while others believe it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is a belief that
students
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 who perform well in academics should be rewarded,
however
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, others argue that
students
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 who do progress should be complimented. In my opinion, both require an equal amount of appreciation and should not be discriminated against on the basis of exam results. On the one hand, studies are really important for pupils, performing well in studies is necessary. Rewarding brilliant
students
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 is crucial; as they spend an overwhelming time achieving excellent results in exams.
Moreover
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, it not
just
Rephrase
only
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 motivates their morale, but
also
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 inspires them to work harder in future.
For example
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, if a student receives second rank in class
then
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 next time he/she tries to gain first rank.
Additionally
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, the reward system generates a sense of competition among learners, which benefits them during adult life.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 often seems in schools that mediocre and low-performing
students
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 have been neglected by teachers, leading to demotivation and low self-esteem in
students
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.
In addition
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, they never appreciate whatever efforts they put in to improve their performance.
Thus
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, recognition of progressive
students
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 is as significant as bright ones because they
also
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 initiate to improve their skills and knowledge, achieving better results than before.
Furthermore
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, being rewarded gives them motivation, booting to compete with class's toppers and gain more marks.
To conclude
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,
although
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students
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 who score well must need appreciation, the improvement of struggling pupils cannot be ignored.
Therefore
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, the efforts of each and every student must be appreciated.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to more clearly outline your main points in the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to vary your vocabulary and phrasing to make your essay more engaging.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each point is fully developed with examples or explanations.
Task Achievement
You presented both views clearly and gave your opinion at the end, which is great for task completion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, with clear separation of ideas between paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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