IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Whilst information system are now being utilized to aid the old, some people are worrying about the possible negative outcomes To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

#whilst #information #system #aid #people #outcomes
Nowadays, we live in an age of technology. The info system is being made use of assisting in the aged. While most people claim that it is useful to utilize the science processing, I personally believe that using data processing can lead to some possible negative outcomes. On the one hand, it is undeniable that there are a lot of advantages in using science arrangement. It is clear that that data processing, accessing to the Internet puts emphasis on enhancing knowledge via accessing to the Internet. It should be highlighted that if the elderly could browse the Web, they would update the latest knowledge about epidemic and diseases. As a consequence, they are able to prevent and cure. Another significant element is that accessing to the Internet can assist the aged in keeping in touch with distance their children and old friends. Thanks to using social networking websites, the elderly are able to call and chat with them.
On the other hand
, I suggest that the disadvantages of data technology overweight the benefits.
First
 of all, using the Internet can lead to the risks. As you can see, these days, a great deal of hackers takes advantage of lacking of knowledge, they cheat the aged in order to steal private data. It got worse when internet robbers want to swindle money.
Furthermore
, the abuse of computerised instruction has some negative impact on causing disease. Because of gluing eyes on the screen during a long time, the old may have problems in the spine or obesity. In conclusion, in spite of the fact that some people highlight the utilization of intelligence operation has a positive influence on the aged, I strongly point out that there are a number of disadvantages to using technological system.
Submitted by nganph19405ca on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: