Young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities such as hiking and climbing in nature. Why is this? And how can we encourage them to go out?

Nowadays, a large portion of children don’t enjoy doing outdoor
activities
.
For instance
, they choose to stay home
instead
of going on a hike and mountain climbing. I will elaborate on my opinion of the reason and the solution for dealing with
this
situation. First of all, technology especially the invention of smartphones, computers, and video games, has created a virtual world keeping youth indoors. The instant gratification derived from digital games, online videos and social media, making traditional leisure
activities
no longer appealing.
Moreover
, the climate change makes the temperature constantly rising. People couldn’t bear the temperature in nature.
Additionally
, the academic pressure is heavier than before, the students have to study in their spare time,
in addition
to schoolwork, parents sign up for many interesting classes for their kids,
such
as piano and painting. Fortunately, there are methods to improve
this
situation.
Firstly
, the education,
while
the government do restrict school to arranging P.E class at least twice a week, most of the school don’t follow the rule,
as a result
, many kids don’t have the exercising habit. So the authority should strictly execute the education policy .
Secondly
, the local government can combine meetups and outdoor
activities
,
for example
, hold an event of hiking with strangers so that single men and women can get to know each other
while
enjoying nature. In conclusion, despite the digital device and climate change keeping people from going out, if the government strengthen and promote outdoor
activities
, one day the kids will realize how attractive field sports are.
Submitted by vivian901014 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Task Achievement: The essay addresses the topic and provides some explanation and potential solutions. However, the response could be improved by providing more fully developed ideas and explanations along with a range of relevant, specific examples to support the points made. More distinctive arguments and a clearer progression of thought will add to the effectiveness of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay's overall structure is noticeable; however, ideas could be more logically sequenced and paragraphing could be better managed. Ensure that ideas within paragraphs are clearly connected and that the essay flows naturally from one point to the next. Transitions should be used effectively to create cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: