IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, while others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #music #form #entertainment #impact #society
A number of people deem that entertaining is the sole purpose of
music
,
Accept space
,
while it is still believed that there are many
further
 upsides which have been discovered by the ones who listen to it on a regular basis
.
Accept space
.
In my notion,
music
 is not only a kind of
entertainment but
Accept comma addition
entertainment, but
 it is
also
 beneficial to human somehow
.
Accept space
.
 When people want their mental body to be satisfied, they may start to look for things that could meet their own demands. Today
,
Accept space
,
some sort of entertainment
such
 as albums or songs could be easily found on the internet
,
Accept space
,
which might be explained by the fact that technological developments has made it possible to find it easily
,
Accept space
,
 leading to an increasing number of people finding
music
 for relaxation
,
Accept space
,
which is more than that of those who use other methods
.
Accept space
.
Additionally
,
Accept space
,
we could observe that
music
 is played with a great frequency in parties or concerts where attracts a large amount of attendees than other different types of events for it boosts their feelings of enjoyment
.
Accept space
.
Therefore
,
Accept space
,
it is widely assumed that
music
 is just used for entertaining.
On the other hand
,
Accept space
,
some people have been of a different view about the advantages of
music
 which ranges from individuals to society.
Firstly
,
Accept space
,
music
 could be a useful connector in social bonds that makes your relationship to be ameliorated.
For instance
,
Accept space
,
 people commonly have a tendency to build a new relationship with those who has shared interest
,
Accept space
,
in
this
 case, you could make new friends or at least have a conversation more easily with the strangers about
.
Accept space
.
Subsequently
, to become more affluent and renowned, those who have talent for singing or expertise relevant to
music
often work
Suggestion
often works
 as composers or singers.
For example
, in the event of making or singing a hit record , the owner of the song will be invited to perform in big events where they could get

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: