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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

he chart shows the number of female and male people arrested by type of offence (crime)

he chart shows the number of female and male people arrested by type of offence (crime)
The given bar chart illustrates a large discrepancy between the numbers of genders arrested by kind of crime in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is remarkable that the number of violence against people of
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 accounted for the highest
of
Change preposition
apply
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offence in comparison with the others.
Besides
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, there were differences
of
Change preposition
in
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 the figures
of
Change preposition
for
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type
Correct article usage
the type
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 of offence over the given period. In 2008, not only did the number
male
Change preposition
of male
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 and female people caught by violence against
the
Correct article usage
a
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 person constituted approximately 35%, but it
also
Linking Words
 was the highest. Meanwhile, the percentage of both genders arrested
by
Change preposition
for
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 theft and handling stolen goods stood at nearly 30%, which followed the
second
Linking Words
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the proportion of
robber
Fix the agreement mistake
robbers
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 of
females
Use synonyms
 and the figure of fraud and forgery of
males
Use synonyms
 occupied roughly 2%, which were the lowest. At approximately 6%, the proportion of burglary by
males
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 was twice as high as that of
females
Use synonyms
, which made up 3%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage of most of the rest types of crime by
females
Use synonyms
 was lower than that of
males
Use synonyms
, except burglary followed
an
Correct article usage
the
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 opposite trend.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words males, females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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