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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zeland between 1901 and 2101

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zeland between 1901 and 2101
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The given line graph illustrates information about different changes in New Zealand's
birth
Use synonyms
 and
death
Use synonyms
 rates
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1901 until 2101.
Overall
Linking Words
, these opposing trends mean that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the number of
birth
Use synonyms
 will
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
while
Linking Words
degree
Add an article
the degree
a degree
show examples
 of
death
Use synonyms
 will show
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 and the level of
death
Use synonyms
 will probably overtake the
brith
Correct your spelling
birth
 rate in 2041. In 1901 the rate of births was
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
weak
Correct article usage
a weak
show examples
 point
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 20.000 and slowly fluctuated during the 200 years to approximately 42.000. From 1941 to 1961 amount of
birth
Use synonyms
 sharply jumped to
peak
Add an article
the peak
a peak
show examples
 which consisted
65
Change preposition
of 65
show examples
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 period, the stage of births began gloriously fall.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite climbing
Use synonyms
death's
Change noun form
death
show examples
 rate from 10.000 at the start of
period
Add an article
the period
a period
show examples
, it was not as popular as
birth
Use synonyms
 till 1941 when there are crossed with each other. After 1941 the power of
death
Use synonyms
 overtake
birth
Use synonyms
 and the large gap between the two levels will be reversed in the later part of
this
Linking Words
 century.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, death with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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