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Writing Samples
Band 6

Mobile phones have made life easier: anyone can use a mobile phone to answer/make work calls or home calls at any place 7 days a week. Do you think this development has more positive effects or negative effects on the individual and society?

Mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 and their convenience allow anyone to utilise them for work at any time from any place they want.
While
Linking Words
 some believe that it promotes a toxic workaholic culture,
this
Linking Words
 essay will argue that the benefit is more profitable
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 mobile phone development, especially
due to
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 the widely available remote-job opportunities. On the one hand, the
portability
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 of mobile
phones
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 made employers expect their staff to be reachable anytime.
For instance
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, it is very common for a job posting to specify that an employee has to be available all the time, even after office hours.
Moreover
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, the
portability
Use synonyms
 of mobile
phones
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 becomes an excuse for upper management to neglect professional boundaries.
As a result
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, if
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is widely normalised at the workplace, it will promote a toxic hustle culture.
On the other hand
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, the invention of mobile
phones
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 is far more beneficial if utilised wisely. Nowadays, working from home has been increasingly popular, thanks to the connectivity of mobile
phones
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.
Consequently
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, people with difficulty committing to office jobs,
such
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 as stay-at-home mothers or disabled people, are now able to be employed without leaving their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the connectivity and efficiency of mobile
phones
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 have expanded job markets toward a remote-working scheme, which introduces a wider range of employment opportunities. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 mobile
phones
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'
portability
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 can promote a toxic work culture which neglects the private time of employees, their positive effects are more beneficial. Ultimately, stay-at-home mothers and disabled individuals can have the opportunity to make a living from remote work, thanks to the
portability
Use synonyms
 and connectivity which mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 offer.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first paragraph and keep it to one idea.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas go from one to the next.
examples
Give real and simple examples to back up each point.
language
Use easy words; avoid hard terms; fix phrases that feel heavy.
structure
The opinion is clear and there is a plan in place.
content
Two body parts give ideas and some examples.
coherence
There are good links between ideas in steps.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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