Why do you want this scholarship? Discuss your personal perspective and the benefits you can give to the society

#scholarship #perspective #society

Ever since I was young I have always been quiet and shy. Every individual possesses diverse talents, weakness and strength. And I have always known that one of my weaknesses is a lack of communication

skill

which I am still working on. I firmly believe that being aware of my weakness gives me a clear understanding of the things

that is

holding me back.

Therefore

, I decided to challenge myself by playing in a basketball team when basketball tournament held at school in 2018. Even if I tried my best, I spoiled the team by failing to defend an opponent. At a time I received a lot of judgment. From

this

experience I found a quality to focus on the positivity aspect of judgment which helped me a lot to see my mistakes. And a year after I played on the same team and got silver, which means a lot to me. From my perspective, initial failures are essential part of the success. Since

then

I started to see the benefits of teamwork

such

as seeing things from others eye, develop communication

skill

, receiving judgments and learning from others/my mistake. Even though, communication

skill

plays a significant role in our personal growth, academic

skill

is as important as it. But the problem is that the quality of education decreases every year owing to under-qualified teachers. Ill-informed teachers are unable to reflect the demands of students and fostering of student's self-esteem. And schools are focused only on academic knowledge and think that the school is supposed to teach about a particular subject.

In addition

, students cannot get the essential skills when encountering to the real world

such

as how to financially survive, how to manage time etc. For

this

reason, I chose my career as an English teacher and I'm willing to change the faulty education system.

Therefore I

Accept comma addition

Therefore, I

am flinging myself into my initial goal of studying abroad. And I'm in need of a mentor whom I can pick his/her brain on subjects and help me to understand every aspect of life and lead me to the right path which is the reason I chose "Tomujin Alternative School". But it costs far more than I could afford which leads me to want

this

scholarship. I truly believe that the Tomujin Alternative School would give me a hand to get closer to my lifelong dream.

Submitted by betterhonest on Thu May 07 2020

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

394 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Why do you want this scholarship? Discuss your personal perspective and the benefits you can give to the society

Include an introduction and conclusion

Today people are travelling more than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller?

Some people think the newly built houses should be the same as the old house style in local areas. Others argue that local authorities should allow people to build houses in their own styles. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people join distance-learning programs (study material, post, TV, Internet) and study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities does. Discuss both side of view and give your opinion.

Most artist earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. To what extent do you agree.