IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many students have to study subject that they don't like Some people think that this is a complete waste of time. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is often argued that
students
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 should focus on their primary subject rather than extra
subjects
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.
While
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 I agree that it will be best for
students
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' future careers, studying
subjects
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such
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 as art and music plays a significant role in
students
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' self-development.
Therefore
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, these
subjects
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 cannot be considered a waste of time.
This
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 essay will provide logical explanations for both sides in independent paragraphs. One of the most obvious benefits of studying primary
subjects
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 is that
students
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 are able to strengthen their knowledge and develop hard skills. It ensures
students
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 boost their knowledge in specific areas for their careers.
For instance
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, studying biology and chemistry is a remarkable essential for those who follow their career path in medicine, allowing them to comprehend human anatomy is crucial to detecting illnesses on time, and preventing health issues.
Hence
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,
students
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 should study these
subjects
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 meticulously for their education.
Nevertheless
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, studying solely the main subject will be poor for
students
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' personal development.
In other words
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, to ensure a successful career, studying
subjects
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such
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 as art and music is known to reduce stress, allowing
students
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 to develop essential soft skills
such
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 as stress management, which makes
students
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 more decisive.
Furthermore
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, extra
subjects
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 can boost
students
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' mental power, creativity, and equal development of the brain.
Thus
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,
students
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 cannot make a bright career without adding these
subjects
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. In conclusion,
while
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 main
subjects
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 are necessary for building their careers, extra
subjects
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 are beneficial and crucial for
students
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' self-development. Focusing solely on primary
subjects
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 may limit
students
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'
further
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 development.

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. You mentioned the importance of subjects like biology and chemistry for medicine careers, but providing additional real-world examples could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure a clear and balanced discussion of both sides of the argument. You did a good job, but make sure each point is as thoroughly developed as possible.
coherence cohesion
Maintain consistent use of tense and keep sentences concise. Minor inaccuracies were present, but they did not greatly affect comprehension.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, offering a well-rounded discussion.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure was maintained with separate paragraphs discussing each side, contributing to clarity.
task achievement
The essay effectively underscores the importance of both primary and extra subjects, demonstrating a balanced view.
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