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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart shows the number of mobile phones and landlines per 100 people in selected countries. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information given.

The chart shows the number of mobile phones and landlines per 100 people in selected countries. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information given.
#phones #landlines #people #countries #report #university #lecturer #information
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The given bar chart reveals information about the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of cell
phones
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
landlines
Use synonyms
 per 100 individuals in seven
countries’
Change noun form
countries
show examples
 names: Canada,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
,
Germany
Use synonyms
,
Denmark
Use synonyms
,
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and Italy. It can be clearly seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
mobile
Change preposition
for mobile
show examples
phones
Use synonyms
, Italy has the highest proportion of 90%,
whereas
Linking Words
Sweden
Use synonyms
, London and
Denmark
Use synonyms
 have more than 80% mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 per 100 people.
Germany
Use synonyms
 has 70%
cell
Change preposition
of cell
show examples
phones
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, US and Canada have the lowest percentage of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
47 and 37
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
respectively. It is observed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Denmark
Use synonyms
 has
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 of the list for
landlines
Use synonyms
 at 88%.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
second
Linking Words
 place countries in the chart USA and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 have around 68
landlines
Use synonyms
 per 100.
Germany
Use synonyms
 and UK have nearly 60
landlines
Use synonyms
 per 100 individuals. There are 63
landlines
Use synonyms
 per 100 people in Canada,
Italy
Correct word choice
and Italy
show examples
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has the lowest number of
landlines
Use synonyms
 at 42 per 100 people. All in all,
Denmark
Use synonyms
 has the highest proportion of both cell
phones
Use synonyms
 and
landlines
Use synonyms
. Mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 are preferred by UK,
Sweden
Use synonyms
,
Germany
Use synonyms
 and Italy.
Submitted by gunjan.bakari on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words phones, landlines, germany, denmark, sweden with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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