Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction

Nowadays, sugar consumption has become a concerning issue that impacts the health of people and may cause obesity. As a solution, some argue that charging more for these

products

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can have a good result in reducing

this

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. I strongly agree with

this

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view and will clarify it in

this

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essay.

Body paragraph 1

To begin

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with,

besides

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the fact that sweets can make individuals feel better, another reason for them to buy them can be that these are cheap

products

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, so almost everyone can afford them.

On the other hand

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, more nutritious snacks,

such

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as nuts and dried fruits are more expensive. for these reasons, they might choose to buy sugar

products

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. I tend to believe that increasing the price of sugary snacks gives consumers second thoughts about what they eat.

Body paragraph 2

However

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, some argue that it may not result in a good way or it may just do for those who have a lower income, but I disagree, to clarify

this

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, in Iran, the price of meat has been rising in recent years in case of political and economic problems.

As a result

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of that, the consumption of meat

products

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has fallen noticeably.

Hence

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, we can see that the price of things can have a significant effect on people to consume less of it so it can be used in a good way to have a more healthy community.

Conclusion

In conclusion, charging more for sweets might have a good impact on individuals to watch their choices and eat more healthy snacks.

Moreover

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, it will increase the health of the community and decrease obesity.

Farzaneh Ka

Dec 8, 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which states the candidate's opinion. However, each paragraph should offer a clear central idea and develop it extensively with explanations or examples. Complex sentence structures are minimal and the flow could be improved with better transitions and topic sentences.

task achievement

While the essay addresses the topic, it needs more depth in its arguments. The position is clear, but the ideas are not fully developed, and more relevant examples and explanations are needed. To improve, make sure each point is expanded with specific details that support the argument effectively.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

261 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

sugar consumption
health problems
manufactured food and drink products
encourage
expensive
reduce
effectively
discourage
tight budget
purchasing
disproportionately
lower-income individuals
healthier food choices
demand
regardless

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