Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, sugar consumption has become a concerning issue that impacts the health of people and may cause obesity. As a solution, some argue that charging more for these
products
can have a good result in reducing Use synonyms
this
. I strongly agree with Linking Words
this
view and will clarify it in Linking Words
this
essay.
Linking Words
To begin
with, Linking Words
besides
the fact that sweets can make individuals feel better, another reason for them to buy them can be that these are cheap Linking Words
products
, so almost everyone can afford them. Use synonyms
On the other hand
, more nutritious snacks, Linking Words
such
as nuts and dried fruits are more expensive. for these reasons, they might choose to buy sugar Linking Words
products
. I tend to believe that increasing the price of sugary snacks gives consumers second thoughts about what they eat.
Use synonyms
However
, some argue that it may not result in a good way or it may just do for those who have a lower income, but I disagree, to clarify Linking Words
this
, in Iran, the price of meat has been rising in recent years in case of political and economic problems. Linking Words
As a result
of that, the consumption of meat Linking Words
products
has fallen noticeably. Use synonyms
Hence
, we can see that the price of things can have a significant effect on people to consume less of it so it can be used in a good way to have a more healthy community.
In conclusion, charging more for sweets might have a good impact on individuals to watch their choices and eat more healthy snacks. Linking Words
Moreover
, it will increase the health of the community and decrease obesity.Linking Words
Submitted by Farzaneh Ka on
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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which states the candidate's opinion. However, each paragraph should offer a clear central idea and develop it extensively with explanations or examples. Complex sentence structures are minimal and the flow could be improved with better transitions and topic sentences.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic, it needs more depth in its arguments. The position is clear, but the ideas are not fully developed, and more relevant examples and explanations are needed. To improve, make sure each point is expanded with specific details that support the argument effectively.