Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, sugar consumption has become a concerning issue that impacts the health of people and may cause obesity. As a solution, some argue that charging more for these
products
can have a good result in reducing this
. I strongly agree with this
view and will clarify it in this
essay.
To begin
with, besides
the fact that sweets can make individuals feel better, another reason for them to buy them can be that these are cheap products
, so almost everyone can afford them. On the other hand
, more nutritious snacks, such
as nuts and dried fruits are more expensive. for these reasons, they might choose to buy sugar products
. I tend to believe that increasing the price of sugary snacks gives consumers second thoughts about what they eat.
However
, some argue that it may not result in a good way or it may just do for those who have a lower income, but I disagree, to clarify this
, in Iran, the price of meat has been rising in recent years in case of political and economic problems. As a result
of that, the consumption of meat products
has fallen noticeably. Hence
, we can see that the price of things can have a significant effect on people to consume less of it so it can be used in a good way to have a more healthy community.
In conclusion, charging more for sweets might have a good impact on individuals to watch their choices and eat more healthy snacks. Moreover
, it will increase the health of the community and decrease obesity.Submitted by Farzaneh Ka on
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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which states the candidate's opinion. However, each paragraph should offer a clear central idea and develop it extensively with explanations or examples. Complex sentence structures are minimal and the flow could be improved with better transitions and topic sentences.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic, it needs more depth in its arguments. The position is clear, but the ideas are not fully developed, and more relevant examples and explanations are needed. To improve, make sure each point is expanded with specific details that support the argument effectively.