IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #sportsmen #sportswomen #misbehave #field
I completely disagree with people who argue that as long as athletes play well in their specific field, it is not important if they behave immorally.
thus
Suggestion
Thus
, I will describe my own reasons to prove that being good in a sport’s branch is not more important than behaving appropriately in sportsmen’s and sportswomen’s life. On the one hand, because of two main reasons, athletes’ role to have a healthy or unhealthy society is considerable.
Firstly
, they are some kind of role model for a huge range of society, specifically for the younger generation.
Secondly
, thanks to the internet based platforms, following athletes’ lifestyle becomes more easy, compared to the past years.
On the contrary
, parental control over children becomes harder than the few years ago
consequently
. So, it is obvious that if athletes use inappropriate words or behave aggressively, teenagers could get affected easily.
On the other hand
, the rate of selling of a specific advertisement, could be affected by athletes. To explain more, there are a lot of advertising companies which use athletes’ popularity
such
 a trump card to sell their products, like Nike and Adidas, etc. So, if an athlete behaves inappropriately, his/her popularity is affected and people’s tendency to use that companies’ products, is decreased, which could get affected advertisement companies’ benefits. To sum up, I do disagree with
this
 idea which states as long as sportsmen and sportswomen play well, they can behave inappropriately.
In other words
, because of two reasons, I believe that the quality of playing could not conquest on the quality of their behaviour.
Firstly
, their behaviour could affect advertising companies’ benefits.
Secondly
, they are a role model for an enormous range of the younger generation,
thus
 could affect negatively society’s health by their misbehaviour.
Submitted by baran.bagheri96 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • misbehave
  • professional sportsmen
  • role model
  • public figures
  • influence
  • performance
  • moral standards
  • media scrutiny
  • endorsements
  • personal brand
  • consistency
  • punishment
  • redemption
  • integrity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: