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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many newspapers and magazines feature stories about the private lives of famous people. We know what they eat, where they buy their clothes and who they love. We also often see pictures of them in private situations. Is it appropriate for a magazine and newspaper to give this kind of private information about people?

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We live in an age when the personal lives of celebrities including their meals, family and friends are increasingly being scrutinized by newspapers and magazines that make us always see their images in private situations. From my point of view, the intervention of media in the individual lives of people is not suitable in several cases.
First
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 of all, it is worth considering that magazines often feature stories about celebrities’ living which are neither informative nor useful for viewers.
Moreover
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some news which
are deliberately written
Suggestion
is deliberately written
 incorrectly for personal benefits put famous people in many troubles and they do not even know why. To give a clear example, in 2016, Hoai Lam was one of the hottest young singers in Vietnam and of course, his individual information is always sought-after by the press. Many of them are not only unimportant
news but
Accept comma addition
news, but
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 make him feels uncomfortable and pressured.
As a result
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, he gave up his career when he was at the peak and he had to do many unstable jobs for his family.
Consequently
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, journalists should make sure that they write about the facts only, not rumours and fake news and especially personal information. Another point worth noting is that
interventing
the act of intervening (as to mediate a dispute, etc.)
intervention
intervening
 too deeply in the lives of stars will cause some unnecessary misunderstandings.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
appearance
Suggestion
the appearance
appearances
 on the media benefits the stars by giving free publicity to them and helping their careers,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if the press features deeply about famous personalities, audiences may think that celebrities have paid for
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 news to attract more attention. These misconceptions cause great unhappiness
to
Suggestion
for
 the people concerned. In conclusion, magazines and newspapers should focus on the necessary news about famous people and avoid giving kind of private information too much.

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Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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