IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the increasing use of computer and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on the young people reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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It is argued that the increase in the usage of computers and mobile phones has an adverse
impact
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 on the reading and writing skills of youngsters. I, firmly agree, with
this
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 statement as it diminishes the traditional way of writing and leaves a detrimental
impact
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 on their
health
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. To commence with, the increment in the use of electronic devices for reading and writing has adversely impacted the youth.
Firstly
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, it allows them to get away from the traditional way of writing and reading, which ultimately leads to the extinction of their handwriting skills.
For instance
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, several grammar correction applications
such
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 as Grammarly, provide auto-correction services and make youngsters not recognise their mistakes.
Hence
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,
this
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 stance ultimately leads to weakening their reading and writing skills.
Furthermore
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, the use of technology for reading has negatively impacted the
health
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. The availability of e-books enables youth to utilise numerous hours using computers and mobile phones, which tends to have an adverse
impact
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 on their physical and mental
health
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.
For example
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, the use of the technological app Kindle allows people to access books anytime and anywhere, which leads to an increase in screen time.
This
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 option results in weakening their eyesight, giving birth to Myopia, an eye disease, poor living style and physical
health
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, which leaves a long-lasting
impact
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 on the youth at an early age of life. In conclusion,
although
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 the advancement of technology has brought changes in reading and writing, I strongly believe, it impacts their eyesight and gives birth to a sedentary lifestyle
while
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 diminishing the tradition of handwriting.

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task achievement
The essay presents clear arguments supporting the thesis, but can elaborate further on the positive aspects of technology to provide a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the transitions between ideas for better flow in the essay. For instance, use phrases like 'In addition' or 'Moreover' to connect points.
task achievement
While examples are provided, consider using more specific instances or statistics to strengthen arguments.
task achievement
The thesis statement is clear and defines the writer's stance effectively and confidently.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay follows a logical pattern, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
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