Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Taking good care of our offspring is considered one of the first priorities almost everywhere.
While
I accept the importance
to educate
Change preposition
of educating
show examples
parents
to do a better parenting job, I disagree with the idea that every parent should be included in the
courses
. There are two main reasons why parenting
courses
play a meaningful role in our societies.
Firstly
, specialized training to be a qualified parent
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
those people who are still not prepared, especially for those young couples. When an unexpected pregnancy happens, these
parents
need more instructive advice, including how to adjust themselves to new identities, and how to take care of a baby with a fever.
Secondly
, children are more likely to have a happy childhood if raised by well-prepared
parents
because these
parents
know better about providing a suitable environment for their children. They’ve learned to communicate and play with their kids in a more gentle but powerful way, in
this
case, domestic conflicts and over-indulgence happen at the least possibilities.
However
, It is unnecessary and impractical to implement the
courses
for everyone. Not all people are in need of
those parenting knowledge
Change the determiner
that parenting knowledge
show examples
, especially those experienced ones.
Parents
with several kids and child psychologists,
for example
, may know much more about parenting than those instructors. With regard to the unrealistic aspect of
this
idea, delivering parenting
courses
to all
parents
would cost a huge amount of the expenditure of the government, which could have been used for other aspects to improve the children's welfare. In my opinion, a pre-test could be done by those couples who are going to have a newborn baby, only those who fail the test need to take an extra training course.  In conclusion, implementing training
courses
for people to be better
parents
is beneficial to society, but we need to be practical and avoid gratuitous expenditures.
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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the topic and offers a clear position, although there are minor lapses in clarity. A stronger, more explicit thesis statement at the beginning could help set a clearer direction for the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Continue to enhance the logical flow of ideas to ensure even greater clarity and cohesion between different sections. Each paragraph transitions well, but linking words or phrases could still be employed more broadly to guide the reader better.
task achievement
The essay effectively demonstrates a complete response to the task, addressing both sides of the argument and coming to a reasonable conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. Most ideas follow a logical progression.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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