IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, the number of people using bikes as main transport mode is decreasing, even though it is so beneficial why is this so how can people and courage to use more bicycles.

#countries #people #bikes #transport #mode #courage #bicycles
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Globalisation has brought tremendous changes
Change preposition
to
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the whole world. Gone are the days,
Use synonyms
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
used
Add a missing verb
were used
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
among
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
.
Linking Words
Whereas nowadays
Correct word choice
Nowadays
show examples
, 
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 give preference to other transport modes like
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 and bikes  In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will highlight some reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and suggest ways to motivate
people
Use synonyms
 to
use
Use synonyms
 more
bicycles
Use synonyms
. There are many reasons for not using
Correct article usage
a
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
bicycle
Use synonyms
 in today's world.The first and foremost reason is the car and public transport is very lucrative as compared to
bicycle
Use synonyms
 because it saves our
precocious
Correct your spelling
precious
show examples
 time
while
Linking Words
 travelling.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the current century witnessed tremendous advancements in technology.
Therefore
Linking Words
 the roads are full
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 heavy traffic so
bicycles
Use synonyms
 are no saving.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least
people
Use synonyms
 want to show off their status.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 majority of
people
Use synonyms
 give preference to using bikes
instead
Linking Words
 of
bicycles
Use synonyms
. There are many ways to motivate
people
Use synonyms
 to
use
Use synonyms
 the
bicycle
Use synonyms
. One approach is
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
  government
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
to impose
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 tax on these types of vehicles like car, buses and so on so that individuals give preference to
Use synonyms
bicycle
Add an article
a bicycle
show examples
 which is very beneficial for health. Another approach is, the
bicycle
Use synonyms
 is a cheap and green mode of transport. Media
such
Linking Words
 as TV could be used
for encouraging
Change preposition
to encourage
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 to
use
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
 and the administration can motivate
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation by organising new camps in schools and colleges and
tell
Wrong verb form
telling
show examples
 them
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the above-mentioned argument
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
 a nutshell. It can be concluded everything has its own importance under the sun and
Use synonyms
bicycle
Correct article usage
the bicycle
show examples
 is one of them. The government can implement some effective steps to promote the
use
Use synonyms
 of
bicycles
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by hardeepsingh14920914 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Increase the focus on supporting main points and providing relevant specific examples to enhance task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize the essay structure more coherently and ensure a stronger connection between ideas to improve coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
Expand the range of vocabulary and choose more precise and appropriate words to improve lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
Diversify sentence structures and pay attention to grammatical accuracy to enhance the grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: