IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to hard work in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? what solutions can you suggest?

#countries #people #leisure #time #pressure #work #studies
In certain states, children are pressurized by the hardship and burden of the
education
 to an extent that they do not receive any free time for the recreation. The primary reason for
this
 likelihood is the competition to achieve the highest academic performance and the revision of the curriculum in a way that pupils can practice effortless and joyful
education
 is a benefited strategy.
To begin
 with, the dominant cause of exhausting students in the process of learning is the competition which is created by the
education
.
This
 is because, many think that the success of the future is determined by the performance in academic examinations and
therefore
, parents and teachers compel youngsters to put their maximum effort in studies through conductions
such
 as participating tuitions, extra classes, or studying hardly.
Consequently
, juveniles do not owe any leisure time to entertain their childhood. For an instance, a survey done in Sri Lanka has revealed that the majority of students who prepare for the grade 5 scholarship exam spend at least 8 to 10 hours for their learning in schools and extra classes and
hence
, many end up in the depression.
Therefore
, it is highly imperative to revise the
education
 an formulate a system which discourages competition and enables students to follow the curriculum according to their choice and the capacity. So that, pupils can not only enjoy learning, but
also
 do it in an effortless way. For an example, Finland, which has a successful
education
 system, does not give priority for examinations.
Moreover
, they allow students to select the most convenient stream of subjects and motivate them to build up their career on the chosen pathway. In conclusion, nowadays, juveniles are compelled to put all their time for learning process and they lack the enjoyment of the childhood. The main reason for
this
 tendency is the competitive learning background and by reforming the
education
 which does not strain children too much is an appropriate measure.
Submitted by anushkinim on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • high expectations
  • academic success
  • future success
  • competitive nature
  • modern education systems
  • top grades
  • prestigious universities
  • high-paying jobs
  • rise of technology
  • social media platforms
  • physical activities
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular demands
  • multiple responsibilities
  • economic factors
  • lower-income families
  • part-time jobs
  • academic pressures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: