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Band 6.5

Recent advances in medical science have resulted in increased life expectancy over the past few years. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#advances #science #life #expectancy #years
Breakthroughs in medical science have made lifespan longer these years.
This
 phenomenon has obvious benefits and I firmly believe that they outweigh the drawbacks. In
this
 essay, I plan to highlight a few of my thoughts with supportive examples.
Firstly
, the modern medical system is able to provide high-level services and operations that can save and support our lives.
As a result
, elderly people can stay longer with their relatives and have an opportunity to see their grandchildren and participate in their nurturing.
For example
,
last
 year
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heart surgery gave
a
Correct pronoun usage
me a
show examples
chance to my grandmother to live
further
 and she is still quite an active person. There are
also
 a huge number of cases when
such
 operations as transplantations gifted a second life to numerous individuals with various physical ailments.
Secondly
, in
this
 era
along with
 scientific
development
Add a comma
development,
show examples
 the number of chemical food additives and ingredients is
also
 increasing. Without a doubt,
this
 causes a growth in statistics of related diseases. And again, learned professions come to help us to tackle these illnesses. Unfortunately, we still have terrible diseases that have not won yet.
For instance
, cancer is a scourge of people that claims millions of lives.
Nevertheless
, today medicine can help to treat and alleviate the painful consequences of
this
 illness. In conclusion, taking into consideration all the abovementioned benefits I would like to end up with the conclusion that we should be thankful for achievements in
this
 sphere. The more developed our science is, the healthier and long-living our society.
Submitted by ruben.kirakosyan on

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balancing arguments
Ensure to address both advantages and disadvantages comprehensively to provide a balanced argument. While your essay leans positively, integrating clear discussions on potential negatives would strengthen your position.
sentence structure
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and demonstrate linguistic capability. Integrating more complex sentences could improve the flow and coherence further.
grammatical accuracy
Pay attention to minor grammatical inaccuracies and aim for precision in language use to enhance clarity and professionalism.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the tone for the essay and clearly states your stance, which contributes to a strong task response.
specific examples
You've provided relevant, real-world examples to support your points, enriching your essay's content and making your arguments more convincing.
logical structure
The logical flow from one point to the next is commendable and aids in maintaining the reader's engagement throughout the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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