IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more prisons are being built to house the world’s criminals, and many people believe long-term imprisonment is the answer to solving the crime problem. However, others feel that psychological assistance is what is required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#prisons #house #world’s #criminals #people #imprisonment #crime #assistance
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Nowadays, there has been an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
prisons constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
prison construction
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 around the world.
Although
Linking Words
 many people agree that imprisonment will help in the transgression solution, others do not concur and insist on psychological aid for
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 arrested. I do believe that both
denouements
Correct your spelling
denouments
 are important,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society needs
prisons
Use synonyms
, but
this
Linking Words
 is not the solution to crime, it is needed to have psychological improvement and community training.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the construction of
prisons
Use synonyms
 is necessary to support the transgression rise, the criminals need to be penalized for their errors.
However
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, in a long time, it might not be sufficient for the change of mind in these people, so, others attitudes may be installed.
For example
Linking Words
, a man who raped someone will not change his perspective after years incarcerated.
Nevertheless
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, if
this
Linking Words
 man is helping with
specialized
Correct article usage
a specialized
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 professional, he might change his mind and
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not commit a violation again.
Secondly
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mind assistance is necessary for everyone who is arrested,
due to
Linking Words
suffer
Replace the word
suffering
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 during the incarceration and to rethink their behaviours.
For instance
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, a woman who robbed a store, even if she is arrested for years, it might not be enough.
Nonetheless
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, if she rethinks and studies her own comportments with a psychologist there will be a better chance of she does not commit a violation in the future.
Thirdly
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, even though the construction of
prisons
Use synonyms
 and psychological management are necessary, the education of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is the most important solution.
The education
Correct article usage
Education
show examples
 might be the key to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal rates. As an illustration, when kids learn since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
misconduct
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not worth it, they will be prepared to say no to the possibility of executing a crime meanwhile the adulthood.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is undoubtedly that the construction of
prisons
Use synonyms
 is important
due to
Linking Words
 the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 infraction rates, but, other attitudes are
also
Linking Words
 outstanding as physiological assistance and
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 education against
infraction
Fix the agreement mistake
infractions
show examples
. In my opinion, the quick fix of it will be based on
a multi-strategic keys
Correct the article-noun agreement
a multi-strategic key
multi-strategic keys
show examples
.
Submitted by dra.fernandavaleriano on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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