IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Both governments and individuals are spending vast amount of money protecting animals and their habitats. This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in sociely such as poverty and health care. To what extent do you agree?

#governments #individuals #amount #money #animals #habitats #poverty #health #care
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By spending a vast amount of funds in order to take
care
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 of wildlife, nations and citizens have forgotten to cope with essential problems like poverty and
health
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care
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.
Firstly
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, the
first
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 cause of death in the world is due to starving. For
few years
Suggestion
a few years
, we have seen the number of associations that tackle starving have soared. Even with the assistance of those organizations, starving stays a big fight for a great number of countries mainly localized in Africa. One of the solutions, to cease or at least to reduce consequences is to develop methods to spare fruits and vegetables. A way could be to subsidize farmers, by helping them to purchase fertilizers in order to overproduce.
Secondly
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, a large number of deaths could be avoided. If all lands had had an efficient and a free
health
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care
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 system, many people wouldn’t have died. Unfortunately,
this
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 statement has touched developed and under-developed countries.
For example
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, in
United States
Suggestion
the United States
, which is the richest country in the world, there is not a
health
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care
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 for all, so, millions of Americans cannot afford a private insurance.
In addition
Linking Words
, the price of hospitalization is high.
As a result
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, a lot of Americans prefer to stay at home with their illness to be cured. To conclude, I really believe human being should be central. By cutting out Starving and providing
health
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care
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 for all is the key to live in a better shape and longer.
Nevertheless
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, I do believe a human being could protect beast, but, reducing inequality to the access of the foods and
health
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care
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 must be our priority
.
Accept space
.
Submitted by valentine.leclere21 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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