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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, full-time university students tend to focus on their studying. Some people think it is essential for university students to be involved in other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that full-time
university
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students
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 often focus heavily on their studies.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that academic success should be their main priority, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes
this
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 view. In my opinion, I consider that
university
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students
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 should indeed be involved in other
activities
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 as well.
To begin
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 with, extracurricular
activities
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 can provide
students
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 with valuable life skills.
In other words
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,
activities
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 outside the classroom,
such
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 as joining clubs or sports teams, help
students
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 develop leadership, teamwork, and time management skills.
In addition
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, these
activities
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 allow
students
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 to explore interests outside their academic field, which can be beneficial for their personal growth.
For example
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,
students
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 who volunteer or participate in internships can gain real-world experience that adds value to their academic qualifications. Another point to be considered is that involvement in other
activities
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 can positively affect
students
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' mental health. It is
also
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 possible to say that spending too much time focusing on academics can lead to stress and burnout.
Moreover
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, engaging in social or physical
activities
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 can help reduce stress and improve
overall
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 well-being.
For instance
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,
students
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 who participate in regular exercise or social gatherings tend to feel more refreshed and motivated in their studies.
To sum up
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, despite people having different points of view, I believe that
university
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students
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 should balance their studies with involvement in other
activities
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. A well-rounded experience in
university
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 will not only benefit their academic progress but
also
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 contribute to their
overall
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 personal development.

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task achievement
Add more specific examples to further illustrate your points. For instance, you may consider specific clubs or initiatives where students gained valuable skills or made lasting impacts.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position and addresses the prompt effectively, reflecting a strong understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs are well-structured, with logical progression and relevant points that support your argument.
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