IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
With the massive development of science and technology,
health
 sectors of all over the world alter into a revolutionized change which enlarging the life period of the senior citizens. If the number of senior citizens is increasing with a great scale
this
 will sometime consider as an extra burden for the society, but some straightforward solutions should be introduced to get rid of it. By the increase of elderly citizens make an extra pressure for the
government
 to pay tax especially in developed countries.
Moreover
,
government
Suggestion
the government
have
Suggestion
has
 to declare a large budget for the
health
 insurance to the senior, whereas other important sectors like education are always have a deficiency of proper budget.
Besides
, in
health care centre
Suggestion
the health care centre
 there has a continuous pressure for giving treatment to the aging people who need more doctors, nurses and other staff related to
health
 that means an extra budget and manpower. To put it another way, we never count the senior citizens as a burden because they have lots of sacrifice for the country throughout their life. Turning to be possible solutions, allowing immigrants could be a great measure for the developed country. Permitting adapt foreigners have the seniors replace reducing the manpower lacking in the country.
Furthermore
, the
government
 imposes a paying tax for the youngest so that it will turn into a handsome amount for when they are going into retirement. Considering all of the above, the
government
 as well as all of the citizens should be careful with the aging person, and
also
 some alternate solutions can ensure to overcome the problem.
Submitted by Sagar Das on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: