IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

For some people, making a lot of money is an important goal. Others think that their free time is more important than wealth. Which is more important to you? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice.

#people #money #time #wealth #choice
Some people think that earning a lot of
money
 is a great goal in their
life both
Accept comma addition
life, both
 points have their own positive as well as negative aspects. In my opinion
,
Accept space
,
free
time
 is more important than the making a lot of
money
 to lead a quality
life
.
money
Suggestion
Money
 is one of the strongest impulses of many of us.
However
, we need to remember that
money
 cannot make
life
 more meaningful.
we
Suggestion
We
 can deal with
this
 issue in terms of social
life
??
Accept space
??
although
Suggestion
Although
 it is often said that
money
 cannot buy happiness, some observations have revealed that
this
 is a false claim.
money
Suggestion
Money
 seems to make our lives more enjoyable and more livable, unfortunately not.
For example
, the problem may be to clean your house or to have a driver, to have someone else do it because you have
money
.
However
,
this
money
 or
this
 convenience does not mean that your
life
 will be more meaningful or you will spend
time
 on more meaningful things.
However
, people still think that being wealthy will give people as much free
time
 as they want and
this
 free
time
 will undoubtedly bring happiness. They always say “If I became wealthy, I wouldn't bother working” but according some research
Although
 not having to work is a financially comfortable situation, it can easily turn into riding the wind, disconnected world.
many
Suggestion
Many
 people imagine that it would be like
heaven not
Accept comma addition
heaven, not
 to have to work, but progressing in career
life
 is an indicator of success for many of us, and without
this
 indicator, it is very difficult to accept that people make good use of their
time
. Wealth is not everything because you come to the world once and you never have the possibility to get back the
time
 spent.
Therefore
, it is more valuable than
money
 to spend
time
 with your beloved ones by having quality
time
 and meaningful things.
money
Suggestion
Money
 may buy anything but never buy
time
Submitted by eslem b on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: