IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that money cannot buy happiness. Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?

#people #happiness #money #factors
The term happiness differs with individuals. Some people believe that money and materialistic wealth can bring
contentment
.
Besides
 the fact, it solely depends on the perception of a person. According to my level of perception, money can't bring joy into someone's
life
. I
wil
the capability of conscious choice and decision and intention
will
 explain my sort of happiness and joy in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, materials and wealth will not be the same throughout our
life
.
For instance
, an individual having more wealth in
this
 world
then
conjunction used in comparatives
than
 anyone might not be happy with their needs, whereas, a person who doesn't look for
contentment
 in those materialistic stuffs is likely to be happy with his own needs.
Therefore
, the mindset of an individual takes up the responsibility of
contentment
.
Secondly
, my level of peace of mind is achieved by helping others with their needs. Money can bring temporary peace of mind in
life but
Accept comma addition
life, but
 it cannot satisfy an individual's need throughout their
life
. As per my belief, money is needed for food, shelter and safety rather not for happiness. In
this
 current situation, there are still many people living in poverty without their basic needs and suffering for some change in their
life
. Even though they suffered for their basic necessity, they have pleasure and unity among them to fight for their basic needs. To conclude, in
this
 materialistic world where everyone is busy with their competition of earning a salary, they have lost the real meaning of peace of mind. Sharing and caring is the only way we can earn bliss in our lives. We should learn to see prosperity and comfort from the economically disadvantaged people and we should share our belonging to them to bring that
contentment
 and bliss into our lives and make our world a better place to live in.
Submitted by deepika Anju on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: