Title :Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
In recent times, many processed foods and beverages have been produced containing high levels of sugars which can cause serious health problems. Making sugary products more expensive to discourage people from buying them is a viable solution. I somewhat agree with
this
option. In this
essay, I will give my reasoning and provide a conclusion.
To begin
with, human bodies are not designed to consume processed sugar in the form of drinks, chocolates or cakes. For instance
, our ancestors the hunter-gatherers would get their daily dose of sweet
exclusively from fruits or some vegetables, they did not have a product called sugar, they only tasted the sweetness of what is known as fructose and glucose in fruits and some vegetables. Replace the word
sweetness
Furthermore
, researching the life of the hunter-gatherers, scientists have found that they had no co-morbidities such
as diabetes, Alzheimers, hypertension, obesity etc. Hence
, This
points to sugar being the culprit for the cause of these diseases in our society today.
In light of this
problem, making processed sugary products more expensive is a good way to stave off the general population. In addition
, the taxes collected from these products should be invested into making healthier options cheaper and easily accessible. Additionally
, people should be educated on the subject of health and nutrition. Consequently
, this
will lead to a decrease in diseases in general and cut down the cost of government spending on hospitals and research on making new drugs to combat these illnesses. Therefore
, making sweet snacks more expensive seems to be the best standard approach to tackle health-related issues.
In conclusion, it is obvious that sweet processed foods are not good for your body, and governments should take steps to make sure people are discouraged from consuming them and educated about their daily nutrition.Submitted by James
on
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coherence cohesion
To strengthen your coherence and cohesion, focus on ensuring a more fluid logical progression of ideas between paragraphs. Currently, the ideas are connected but could flow more seamlessly.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well, but adding more specific and varied examples would enhance your argument. Consider elaborating on how higher prices have worked in other contexts, such as tobacco or alcohol.
task achievement
Clarity of ideas can be slightly improved. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is distinct from the other paragraphs. As it stands, the second body paragraph could benefit from a more explicit topic sentence linking it to the main argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets the stage for the essay by mentioning the main points that will be discussed.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and restates the author's position in a coherent manner.
supported main points
Your use of examples, particularly about hunter-gatherers, provides a relevant historical context that supports your argument about the ill effects of processed sugar.