 It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schoolchildren #history #world

The historical in local is essential than the global

history

for students. In my opinions, the

history

in local is not vital than the global.

First

of all, the

history

of global can develop students' critical thinking. As students can

gain

different ideas from the

history

not only the local

history

, but

also

care of the globe.

For example

, students can know that the scientists did some experiment in the past that can improve the technological science in different method. It can prove that the

history

in global can develop the idea in every student to

gain

some benefit from it. The local

history

does not have

this

information that there are not enough resources that students can use. Students can use their mind to think about the difference in-between the local and global to improve their critical thinking the daily.

Secondly

, the global

history

can build a culture communication in the mind. Students can know more

history

around the world

instead

of their country. They can learn different habits or lifestyle in a different country.

For instance

, the freedom for the global is stronger than the local. Students can know that the freedom that students can be

gain

Suggestion

gained

from something to become more fair between girls and boys. It is not a rule that the student needs to follow, but students can best use of the

history

Suggestion

historic

historical

resource that can improve their daily and their negative habits. In conclusion, the

history

in local is not vital than the global. Students need to know more about the both side

history

gain

more advantages from the

history

. It can improve our thinking in different ways. From the culture and the critical thinking to students, students can know more about what happens in the world without going out to different countries.

Submitted by yann on Thu Jun 04 2020

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

300 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

heritage
cultural identity
ancestry
traditions
globalization
empathy
contemporary issues
integrate
perspective
civilization
diversity
innovations
historical significance
nationalism
cosmopolitanism
historiography
geopolitical

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 It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In the modern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. Do you agree or disagree with that statement?

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