IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

#time #population #countries #adults #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, ageing
population
Use synonyms
 is declining in many countries across the
world creating
Accept comma addition
world, creating
 a situation where young people have become the largest portion of the demographic.
Although
Linking Words
 there are limitations to
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon related to experienced workforce, it still is a positive sign as it leads to
bolstering
Suggestion
bolster
 the economies. There are several drawbacks to having a predominately young people in a
country
Use synonyms
. The most frequently cited downside is the lack of skilled workforce. To put it another way, many important industries have felt the full impact of scarcity of extensive expertise. A good example here is India, which has a large young
population
Use synonyms
. The
country
Use synonyms
 suffers from a scarcity of leaders in important areas
such
Linking Words
 as engineering. There was
lack
Suggestion
a lack
the lack
 of skilled engineers to build Mumbai Expressed Flyover. It had to hire a substantial number of specialists from Japan so as to accomplish the feat. Despite
this
Linking Words
 downside, the benefit of a young
population
Use synonyms
 is that it brings many advantages to a
country
Use synonyms
 and is a key indicator of economic prosperity. A case in point is India, where nearly 60 percent
population
Use synonyms
 is young, which gives the
country
Use synonyms
 a competitive advantage in the international outsourcing market as it provides a large, skilled workforce capable of satisfying the
brainpower
Suggestion
 demand of the international economy.
Similarly
Linking Words
, a larger working
population
Use synonyms
 boosts business profits.
That is
Linking Words
 to say that it increases competition for jobs, which in turn helps to keep labour wage, thereby maximizing profits. In conclusion, it seems reasonable to assume that the advantages of a youthful
population
Use synonyms
 outstrip the disadvantages.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the governments should pay attention so that they can fully exploit the advantages of their demographics.
Submitted by ประกาศิต เหตุเกษ on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: