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Band 6

Some people think zoos should be illegal. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #zoos
In the current society, there is no denying that safeguarding animals
is
Suggestion
are
 a pressing problem. It is universally believed that whether or not zoos may be illegitimate remains more controversial. To my mind, despite
drawbacks
Suggestion
the drawbacks
 of maintaining zoos, benefits to both
human
Suggestion
humans
 and animals outweigh
negative points
Suggestion
the negative points
.
First
 of all, zoos against the law due to the fact that animal rights activists could object to the directly unacceptable effects on animals.
This
 is because that zoos prevent animals from developing natural
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
. That keeping them in captivity leads to decrease self-adaptive reflection in
natural environment
Suggestion
a natural environment
,
therefore
 animals
can not
can not
cannot
 survive in the wild.
Furthermore
, the cruel treatment from zoo keepers causes physical injuries to animals. It is clearly seen that some human beings
such
 as beating, electrocuting, starving with the purpose of taming violate
animals
Suggestion
animal
animals'
 rights.
Thus
, using zoos as a
place keeping
Accept comma addition
place, keeping
 animals from outside brings some disadvantages.
On the other hand
, there is no doubt that zoos are more beneficial in some particular aspects. The
first
 bright point is that the conservation in zoos would be the priority. It could be proved by that protecting endangered animals and rare breedings from extinction may maintain biodiversity,
also
 reduce the competition with other species for finding foods.
In addition
, the awareness of children about conserving wild animals and saving animal rights could be educated legally.
For example
, through some field trips for teenagers, it would exposure to knowledge about the importance of avoiding the extinction of wild animals, and the animal love may be raised positively. In conclusion, because
advantages
Suggestion
the advantages
 of zoos are greater than
disadvantages
Suggestion
the disadvantages
, I would expect that the government should invest more money in upgrading zoos effectively.
Submitted by Nhung Phạm on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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