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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

IELTS Many young people choose to take a year out between finishing school and starting university in order to gain work experience or to travel. The experience of non-academic life benefits the individual when they return to education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Although
Linking Words
Medicine
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 is a field which has a myriad of branches with a lot of fascinating and impressive ways of studying it, one of the most awe-inspiring characteristics is, without a doubt, its well-balanced relationship among natural, formal and social sciences.
This
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 mixture leads to a wide spectrum of complex stumbling blocks which requires an appropriate combination of curiosity and multidisciplinarity to solve them. From a very early age,
this
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 aroused my interest and prompted me to study not only the structure of the human body and physiology but
also
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 the mechanisms of pathogenesis with the respective treatments. My Bachelor’s Degree in Medical Science (Medical Doctor, MD), which was studied at Universidad Militar Nueva Granada in Bogotá, Colombia, was a complete training in both clinical and
research
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 fields using analytical methods
as well as
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 evidence-based
medicine
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 techniques. The integration of these aspects
along with
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 acquiring the basic knowledge about natural sciences,
such
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 as cellular biology, biophysics, biochemistry, anatomy, histology, etc, showed me how perfect the functionality and homeostasis of human beings is,
however
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, it still lacks information. Since
then
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, Health Sciences became a passion for me, showing a high academic performance with award scholarships being granted
due to
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 ‘The Class of Honors Qualification’, and achieving the best GPA over 52 alumni in my class graduating students. Over time and parallel to my academic duties, my career interests in the
research
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 field constantly increased. In the beginning, they were focused on Stem Cells and Bioethics, taking an elective course for three years related to these branches in which there were theoretical and practical immersive sessions.
Hence
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, exploring deeper into the most specific literacy and
research
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 done from ancient times to the present day
as well as
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 learning cutting-edge techniques about cultures, analysis, and methodology,
finally
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 being part of the ‘BioGenEtica
Research
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 Group’ at the afore-mentioned University. After that, my
research
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 experience broadened to other topics linked to microbiology and parasitology, researching mainly diseases caused by helminths and protozoa that affect children in Colombia. These projects have been presented at several not only national but
also
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 international symposiums and conferences
as well as
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 have been published in indexed journals. Regarding my work experience, during the
last
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 academic year, which is known as ‘Internship’, the general clinical rotations were deeper in knowledge about Pediatrics, Surgery, and Gynecology and Obstetrics, and my elective program consisted of seven months related to Internal
Medicine
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.
Subsequently
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, after my graduation, my clinical performance was focused on the Internal
Medicine
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 field mainly related to critical
care
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, emergency room, and inpatient health
care
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.
Additionally
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, taking specific continuing education courses to learn the most innovative strategies about COVID-19 management and fundamental critical
care
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 support certified by The Society of Critical
Care
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Medicine
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.

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task achievement
While the essay provides detailed insights into your background, achievements, and experiences, it appears to be more aligned with a personal statement or application letter rather than addressing the IELTS prompt about taking a year out between finishing school and starting university. Make sure to stay focused on the given topic.
coherence cohesion
Consider breaking down the essay into clear sections with distinct paragraphs for each main idea. This will enhance the logical flow and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
The essay is rich with specific examples and detailed information, showcasing your accomplishments and expertise effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your use of complex and varied sentences demonstrates a strong command of English.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broader understanding
  • Emotionally mature
  • Rigorous demands
  • Practical work experience
  • Career direction
  • Diverse environments
  • Social skills
  • Problem-solving
  • Communication skills
  • Academic growth
  • Appreciation for education
  • Academic momentum
  • Readjust
  • Structured educational path
  • Enrich
  • Dedication
What to do next:
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