IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that it would be better if the whole family (uncles, aunts, and grandparents) are involved in bringing up children rather than only parents. What is your opinion?

#people #uncles #aunts #grandparents #children #parents
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The family is known as a basic unit of the society, so some people believe that raising the children among the close knitted family members is much healthier than upbringing them solely by their parents. In my view, children should be raised among the whole united family of grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, the competitive world has really made challenging for the employees to strike a balance between professional and family commitments.
However
Linking Words
, staying together in the joint family will help to share the responsibilities and
hence
Linking Words
, parents will feel less pressure in bringing up the child.
Secondly
Linking Words
, parents can get time to focus on their career growth and future prospects which will be beneficial for the entire family in making them financial security.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, newly formed parents can take guidance from the grandparents on how to take care of newly born baby in terms of feeding, sleeping, holding, and bathing them. Fourthly, children grown in the whole family learn the importance of strong family bond which give them a sense of unity and harmony which is precisely required in
this
Linking Words
 growing world of materialism. Fifthly, children will not feel isolated and alone as they share companionships with their cousins in outdoor activities, hobbies, and studies.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the parents can get overwhelmed with lots of the person and work responsibilities with no support of their parents, and
this
Linking Words
 can
further
Linking Words
 strain their marital relationship. In fact, working parents will feel more secure by allowing their children to stay in the custody of their grandparents that the baby sitter employed to look after them. To recapitulate, I strongly opine that the culture of close knitted family should be promoted as it is highly beneficial for the entire family members and their children.
Submitted by Man Kaur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: