IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that team sports are very important for children to succeed in their career,others disagree ?Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #team #sports #children #career
Many individuals believe that for children to perform well in their
career
, participation in
team
 sports is a pre-requisite while others are of the view that mere involvement in
team
 sports does not guarantee a successful
career
. I
however
 strongly agree with the former viewpoint as skills developed by playing
team
 sports are an added advantage, thereby making children stand apart from the crowd in their field of work.
team
Suggestion
Team
 sports are of utmost importance in shaping
career
Suggestion
the career
 of children as they inculcate in them certain qualities right from their early age.
Firstly
,
team
 sports
helps
Suggestion
help
 children to develop
ability
Suggestion
the ability
abilities
 of working in a
team
 with
diverse set
Suggestion
a diverse set
 of
people which
Accept comma addition
people, which
 is very vital for maintaining
workspace environment
Suggestion
the workspace environment
.
Accept space
.
Secondly
,
team
 sports help children recognize their hidden leadership skills. These leadership skills become
engine
Suggestion
an engine
the engine
 of
career
 growth as employers round the globe are in search for people who can manage teams effectively. To illustrate
this
, a line manager handling a
team
 of software engineers earns way more than the individual software engineers as he /she is effectively getting the work done from
team
Suggestion
the team
.
on
Suggestion
On
 the contrary, certain sections of society have a
view point
a mental position from which things are viewed
viewpoint
 that if a child is not having strong academic
credentials
Accept comma addition
credentials, then
then
 skills learnt by way of
team
 sports will be of no use.
Moreover
, children aligning themselves more towards sports than studies end up nowhere in their
career
.
in
Suggestion
In
 conclusion, children involved in
team
 sports perform exceedingly well in their
career
 as compared to children who have either little or no interest in
team
 sports.
Submitted by ales on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: