IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views?

#countries #children #education #four #years #seven #eight
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Starting
Correct article usage
The starting
show examples
 points of schooling may differ in every part of the world. Particular countries tend to start formal
education
 in the early years,
whereas
 others have it differently, allowing children to start
school
 at seven or eight years old. In my perspective, I believe starting formal
education
 at older ages would be better because they can be more mature and will have more chances to focus on making positive memories as a normal child should have. Becoming more mature would prepare them to deal with hard situations because formal schooling requires critical thinking more academically.
This
 will teach them the importance of discipline manner, which makes them not overlook
education
 and controllable.
For instance
, a
school
that is
 mainly attended by older students hardly has problems
due to
 the high sense of responsibility that has been embedded in them.
Furthermore
, it would be better for small children to have some opportunities to create numerous meaningful memories before facing serious academic activities.
Thus
, it results in less stressful lives, which can certainly impact their futures. To exemplify, In Japan, young ages often start schooling earlier, but as they grow older, they become unmotivated to go to
school
 because of the burdens that they have been enduring for a long time.
As a result
, they would prefer to drop out of
school
. To summarize, having an
education
 at an early age would lead to negative outcomes,
such
 as resisting themselves to learn,
while
 at older ages they might have more serious and responsible demeanours towards
education
.
Therefore
, giving
school
education
 at that age would be more acceptable, which
also
 considers their readiness for schooling.
Submitted by hanalyaa29 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each main idea is developed consistently throughout the paragraphs. This allows the reader to follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Consider integrating more supporting examples to strengthen your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Clear introduction and conclusion which frame the essay well.
complete response
The essay presents a viewpoint and attempts to support it with relevant reasons and examples.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: