IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT ALLOWING CHILDREN TO MAKE THEIR OWN DECISION ON EVERYDAY MATTERS IS LIKELY TO RESULT IN A SOCIETY OF INDIVIDUALS WHO ONLY THINK ABOUT THEIR OWN WISHES. OTHER PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT IT IS IMPORTANT FOR CHILDREN TO MAKE DECISION ABOUT MATTERS THAT AFFECT THEM. DISCUSS BOTH OPINIONS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION

#people #children #decision #matters #society #individuals
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PEOPLE TEND TO THINK DIFFERENT ON A SINGLE ISSUE AS SOME BELIEVE THAT CONSIDERING CHILDREN TO MAKE THEIR OWN CHOICES WILL RAISE SELFISHNESS AMONG THEM WHILE OTHERS SUGGEST THAT IT IS CRUCIAL FOR CHILDREN TO HAVE SOME FREEDOM AS IT WILL BOOST THEIR CONFIDENCE. IN MY OPINION, PARENTS SHOULD ALLOW CHILDREN TO MAKE SOME STANCE, WHICH WILL ULTIMATELY BENEFIT THEM YOUNGSTERS IN NEAR FUTURE. ON THE ONE HAND, JUVENILE OF TODAY WILL BE THE LEADER OF FUTURE. SO, IT IS HIGH TIME FOR THEM TO UNDERSTAND FEW THINGS PROVIDED THAT THEIR PARENTS HELP THEM AS IT WILL DEVELOP THEM BOTH MENTALLLY AND PHYSICALLY.
FOR EXAMPLE
, A RESEARCH CONDUCTED IN INDIA INDICATES THAT INDIAN ADULTS CAN PROSPER IN THEIR LIFE MORE THAN THAT OF OTHER SOUTH ASIAN COUNTRY AS THE FORMER ENJOYS MORE RELAX IN THEIR CHILDHOOD BY IMPLEMENTING THEIR WISHES.
ALTHOUGH
, ELEMENTARY SCHOOLS PLAY A VITAL ROLE IN
THIS
 SCENARIO AS THEY TEACH PEOPLE WHAT IS WRONG AND WHAT IS RIGHT.
ON THE OTHER HAND
, IMPOSING DECISIONS OF GUARDIANS ON THEIR CHILDREN OBVIOULY HAVE SOME DETRIMENTAL EFFECTS ON THEM. RESULTANTLY, LADS AS WELL AS LASS SUFFER FROM INFERIORITY COMPLEX AND WHEN THEY GET ENOUGH OPTION, THEY ENGAGE THEM IN VARIOUS TYPES OF JUVENILE DELINQUENCY. SO, WE SHOULD TAKE PREREQUISITE STEPS TO DISMANTLE
SUCH
 ATTITUDE AND ENSURE BRIGHT FUTURE FOR OUR YOUNGS, WHO WILL ELEVATE OUR COUNTRY ALONG WITH OUR SOCIETY TO HIGHTER STAGES. IN CONCLUSION, I BELIVE THAT BOTH PARENTS AND TEACHERS SHOULD TEACH CHILDREN HOW TO DECIDE ON EVERYDAY MATTERS
HOWEVER THERE
Accept comma addition
HOWEVER, THERE
 SHOULD BE SOME BOUNDARY AS THEY ARE TENDER AND SOFT MINDED.
Submitted by seamdu09 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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