IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT CRIME IS A RESULT OF SOCIAL PROBLEMS AND POVERTY, OTHERS THINK THAT CRIME IS A RESULT OF BAD PERSON’S NATURE. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.

#people #crime #poverty #person’s #nature
One of the controversial issues is rewarding students who PRESENT the best academic results are more crucial than rewarding students who MAKE improvements. In my opinion, students who show their great efforts in their improvements are more worthy to receive the rewards. We have every reason to believe that students who show poorer educational results than others may have mental illness.
This
 is because people might make them feel like they don’t appreciate their effort or ignore their improvement by not paying attention to them.Those students would feel like they weren’t important to other people. It would LEAD those students
to have
Suggestion
have
 A dangerous mental illness like anxiety, depression and may eventually lead them to negative solutions to solve their sadness.
As a result
,
Accept space
,
 giving rewards to the students would help them to feel like they have earned the respect and become more self-confident. One thing which is equally important is that the rewards can encourage the students to overcome their fear of studying and give them a good launch to develop their abilities. In order to become intellectuals, students with poor educational results need encouragements. The rewards are very useful to encourage them because of the benefits it brings in many different aspects. When those students get their gifts for the improvements that have done, they will try to obtain them by striving harder
next
 time.By applying that method, students can get better improvements and show more positive attitudes toward their learning. In conclusion,
THEREFORE
, students who SECURE improvements should have the rewards because of the important outcomes it may bring to them.
This
 might help them to become better students in the future.
Submitted by Dương Nguyễn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: