IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that it would be better if whole family(Ex.Uncle,aunt and grand parents) involving in bringing up children rather than only parents. Give your opinion ?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
From most people point of view
its
it is
it's
 a good idea to raise the
child
Use synonyms
 in joint family
instead
Linking Words
 of only by parents or in
nuclear family
Suggestion
a nuclear family
nuclear families
the nuclear family
.I
also
Linking Words
 believe that
Use synonyms
child
Suggestion
children
a child
 should be grew up in
joint family
Suggestion
a joint family
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
there are many benefits
to
Suggestion
of
child
Use synonyms
 as well as parents too to live in joint family as if there are grandparents in home
child
Use synonyms
 know how to deal with old people
.
Accept space
.
Linking Words
Moreover from
Accept comma addition
Moreover, from
 grandparents there are
alot
Suggestion
a lot
 of new things to learn
.
Accept space
.
In today's
time
Use synonyms
 everyone is working so
it
it is
it's
 difficult for parents to take care of their
Use synonyms
child
Suggestion
children
 properly
beacuse
for the reason that; on account of
because
 after finishing
job
Suggestion
the job
a job
 they have to do household work
thus
Linking Words
 they find it difficult to give
time
Use synonyms
 to their
child
Use synonyms
. If they are live with their aunt it seems easy for parents to handle all their work
beacuse
for the reason that; on account of
because
 all work would be divided between them.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
it
of a thing, of it; possessive form of "it"
its
child
Use synonyms
 raised in
friendly environment
Suggestion
a friendly environment
 which is very important for mental health.
Secondly
Linking Words
, grandparents
also
Linking Words
 spend their quality
time
Use synonyms
 with children and revoke memories from their childhood too
.
Accept space
.
 As we all know there are numerous old age home for grandparents where they
dont
do not
don't
 get the family environment and
concern so
Accept comma addition
concern, so
 if they live with their family they would feel more joyful.
on
Suggestion
On
 the other side some parents prefer to raise
Use synonyms
child
Suggestion
a child
children
by
Suggestion
of
 their
own which
Accept comma addition
own, which
 is
also
Linking Words
 not
bad but
Accept comma addition
bad, but
 in
this
Linking Words
child
Use synonyms
dont
do not
don't
 get
chance
Suggestion
a chance
 to more interaction with other people as well as it
make
Suggestion
makes
Use synonyms
child
Suggestion
children
the child
 more shy as he limit to only his parents. In
nutshell
Suggestion
a nutshell
,
Accept space
,
in
this
Linking Words
 phase of
time
Use synonyms
 if
child
Use synonyms
 raised up in
joint family its not
Suggestion
a joint family, its not
a joint family its not
 only good for his mental health but it
also
Linking Words
 leads to joyful life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: