IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You have recently moved to a new neighbourhood and would like to join a sports centre there. You have found a private sports club. Write a letter to the manager of the sports club. In your letter, introduce yourself say why are you interested in this sports club ask some questions about the club e.g facilities, membership, costs etc. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to you in regard to admission to your
sports
Use synonyms
 centre. My name is Arohi and I am 27 years old. I recently moved to
this
Linking Words
 neighbourhood, as I started my studies at St. Pauls College. I am studying full-time in a Medical Assistant course. I live here with my friends in College accommodation
facilities
Use synonyms
. I would like to join the
sports
Use synonyms
 club because I have heard that there are many
sports
Use synonyms
 training available. I am willing to train myself , especially in swimming and ice hockey. It came to my attention that, there are players in your
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
, who are playing at national and international tournaments, which has inspired me to join your
sports
Use synonyms
 centre. I want to learn more about these
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as, what is the timing for the
students
Use synonyms
 who would like to join.
In addition
Linking Words
, I heard that membership cost is 3000$ for one year, so
this
Linking Words
 cost is the same for the
students
Use synonyms
 or
students
Use synonyms
 have some percentage of discount. On our orientation day, our advisor mentioned that St. Paul's college
students
Use synonyms
 have some sort of discount on their membership. I appreciate it if you could give me some more details regarding the membership scheme and some more
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 with their timings. Sincerely yours, Arohi

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
In the third paragraph, you could provide some additional context on why you are particularly interested in swimming and ice hockey. This would help in giving more depth to your reason for joining the club.
coherence cohesion
Consider breaking the fourth paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the timing and costs, and the other on membership options and discounts. This would make your queries more organized and easier to follow.
suitable writing tone
The letter maintains a polite and formal tone throughout, which is excellent for this context.
complete response
The letter covers all the required points: introduction, reason for interest, and questions about the club.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: