Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

#art #music #elements #societies #place #today’s #world #technology #children #time #school

Nowadays the core benchmarks of societies like

art

and

music

are experiencing pitfall in

this

rapidly evolving globe. In my opinion,

children allocating

Accept comma addition

children, allocating

more time during

academic tenure

Suggestion

the academic tenure

will nourish the world as

global village

Suggestion

a global village

by attracting viewers in

this

age of smartphones and gadgets. On the one hand, I believe that pupils at

school

can play a lead role in preserving

art

and

music

of the society.

Firstly

this

practice promotes social gatherings by organizing annual functions.

This

way the students will be able to showcase their coordination skills and learn teamwork in an artistic way.

Secondly

, it attracts tourists from other countries.

For example

, many people from North America and Europe visit India during Navratri festival to enjoy

garba dance

Suggestion

the Garba dance

Garba dance

of minors.

Finally

, dramas can be utilized to describe modern day issues of women empowerment and gender inequality. It is determined to be the best way to reach out young audience of modern day.

On the other hand

art

and

music

is struggling a stand in the society due to

variety

Suggestion

a variety

of reasons.

Initially

, it is considered by many that videos from the past performance are available on

internet

Suggestion

the internet

and,

therefore

, they are not willing to spend more.

Also

, the parents today want their children to pursue their career in sports and

corporate world

Suggestion

the corporate world

corporate worlds

As a result

, they are encouraging for extra

classes even

Accept comma addition

classes, even

after official

school

hours.

Additionally

music

, drama and dance are considered as elementary and non-mandatory subject in primary schools, and

thus

they are not opted by many

school

going children. To conclude, I admit that

art

and

music

would still have a sound position in the society if

its enroll

ment is made compulsory for children in the

school

Submitted by Jay Dudhat on Sun Jun 28 2020

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

holistic development
cognitive abilities
academic performance
self-expression
therapeutic
cultural awareness
globalized world
diverse cultures
technological advancements
interactive tools
accessible
engaging
STEM subjects
well-rounded individuals
innovative
problem-solvers

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Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while other think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should governments give more financial support to local film industries?

In some developing countries, disabled people are not given proper access to public and private facilities. What are some possible effects of this problem and solutions to it?

Some people believe that it is better language students in small classes. Others think the number of people in the classes doesn't matter Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.