IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that teenagers should do some unpaid work in the local community. Some people believe that it benefit both young people and society as a whole. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #work #community #benefit #society
I agree with the statement that teenagers working in their communities, without getting paid, is beneficial to both the society and the teenagers themselves. Young adults that contribute to their neighbourhood in
this
 way, will have fewer distractions.
Thus
, keeping them away from risky behaviour
such
 as drugs and alcohol.
Also
, it will greatly encourage teenagers to enhance their communication skills.
This in
Accept comma addition
This, in
 turn, helps them in their future endeavours, whether it is work or higher study. Giving a helping hand to their neighbours will change a teenager's attitude to an altruistic one making them selfless. A child that lends a helping hand to others will feel fulfilled and has more confidence in themselves. All of
this
collectively
Suggestion
collective
, ensures a better future for the environment. The community around them, will
also
 be cleaner and more friendly. There will be a decrease in the number or criminal activities as well. Teenagers helping out the elderly will create a close-knit community. Which will help decrease the stress and related health issues
such
 as depression. There are many jobs that teenagers can help out with,
for example
, picking up litter, walking dogs, mowing lawns, spending time with the elderly or even babysitting. All of these services
(
Accept space
(
and many more) can bring the whole community together in a peaceful manner. I strongly agree that teenagers should be encouraged to work, without pay, for their neighbourhood as
this
 helps both the teenager and the society. In
this
 way, young adults learn many skills which will help them grow up to be a responsible and selfless adult. Sequentially, the society around them is clean, friendly, close-knit and healthy.
Submitted by Tania Multani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: