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Band 6.5

The number of older people is increasing in many parts of the world. What are the effects of this on society as a whole? What are the advantages or disadvantages of this trend?

#people #parts #world #effects #society #trend
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In recent years,the population of the elderly has increased worldwide.
While
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 it brings significant benefits,
such
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 as a reduction in crime and having a great bond in families,it
also
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 poses notable disadvantages,
such
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 as little amount of
people
Use synonyms
 available to work and a vulnerable economy.
This
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 essay will evaluate both perspectives in detail. On the one hand,having older folk in the family who help to raise and take care of their grandchildren is a significant advantage , particularly in families where both parents have to work outside
due to
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 financial strains.To illustrate
this
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, a study conducted by Tehran University in Iran has shown that kids who are raised by their grandparents, develop better cognitive skills.
Thus
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this
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 results in children growing up in a prosperous environment with better social skills. Another notable benefit of
this
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 occurrence is having a safer society
due to
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 older
people
Use synonyms
 tend to commit fewer or no crimes at all.
As a result
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,
this
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 trend enhances social security and mental well-being.
While
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 the growing population of older
people
Use synonyms
,
also
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 poses challenges , particularly for the countries.
This
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 happens because if they don't have enough young
people
Use synonyms
 to serve in the army,
then
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 they become vulnerable and the other countries take advantage of
this
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 phenomenon and it's more likely that they try to conquer their lands.Another drawback of
this
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 happening is living in a sad community as elderly
people
Use synonyms
 tend to have more rest and stay calm and quiet,
This
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 can lead to the weakening of
people
Use synonyms
's mental well-being and in some cases depression. In conclusion,
while
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 having grandparents contributes to a great atmosphere around family members,its challenges
such
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 as inhibiting the economy and causing a decline in the population of a country outweigh the benefits and making it a less appealing phenomenon.Minimizing the disadvantages requires government consideration and attention.
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task achievement
While the essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population, consider expanding the explanation of each point. Developing a more balanced view with equal attention to both sides could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical progression of ideas and use linking words effectively to connect points. Some paragraphs could benefit from smoother transitions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and well-structured, setting the stage for your discussion and wrapping it up effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples, such as the study conducted by Tehran University, to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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