IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many teenagers now have their own smart phone. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion

#teenagers #phone
Most
childerns
 now have their own mobile phones.
This
 essay will argue that despite most
childerns
use
to
Suggestion
of
 smartphones. Many teenagers spent on
time
 own telephones which are mobile phones have becoming health problem
such
 as mobile phones are bring different illnesses which are becoming
eyeache
(used of count nouns) every one considered individually
each
,
brainache
Suggestion
brainiac
.
Therefore most
Accept comma addition
Therefore, most
 parents should pay attention for their
childrens
a young person of either sex
children
becouse
for the reason that; on account of
because
 their
childrens
a young person of either sex
children
 do not do homework on
time
. It is
influence
Suggestion
influenced
 on their knowledge.
Moreover childrens
Accept comma addition
Moreover, children
Moreover children
 almost do not read books
becouse
for the reason that; on account of
because
, teenagers have connected with
internet
 which is
interact
Suggestion
interacting
 with their spent much
time
 for the
internet
 news or online video games. I believe, it is
bad idea
Suggestion
a bad idea
.
On the other
hand sometimes
Accept comma addition
hand, sometimes
 teenagers
use
to
being one more than one
two
 mobile phones for their subject or do homework. Many students
use
to
Suggestion
of
 the
internet
 which is
get
Suggestion
getting
 information from the
internet
. They
are think
Suggestion
think
have thought
are thinking
 about how can they easily do homework with the
internet
.
Moreover they
Accept comma addition
Moreover, they
use
to
being one more than one
two
 mobile phones for reading books and download subject apps from the
internet
becouse
for the reason that; on account of
because
 students do not want to go to the courses. It might be students read various subject apps. It
is seems
Suggestion
seems
 quite comfort for their. In conclusion, most students
shouldn't spent
Suggestion
shouldn't spend
 much
time
 for own smart phones
becouse
for the reason that; on account of
because
 mobile phones always have misinform teenagers. Teenagers should
use
 to own smartphones for specific
work-out
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
workout
workouts
 or lessons and their works.
Submitted by Shomurod on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication
  • access to information
  • safety and security
  • entertainment
  • educational opportunities
  • addiction
  • excessive screen time
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • distraction
  • lack of focus
  • privacy concerns
  • social disconnection
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • opinion
  • outweigh
  • limits
  • screen time
  • online safety
What to do next:
Look at other essays: