Some people believe that giving longer prison sentences is the best way to reduce crime. Others believe that there are better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion
It is believed by some individuals that establishing longer jail sentences is an effective mechanism to reduce the crime rate since it creates an incentive for other offenders to not commit a crime. Others are convinced that there are alternative methods to tackle atrocity,
for example
, increasing law enforcement agencies on the streets and ensuring the community with jobs. In my opinion, longer prison sentences negatively affect the struggle with lawlessness because people lose their ability to exist inside society and Linking Words
consequently
become recidivists by committing crimes again.
On the one hand, the first method can ensure that the potential criminals will have the feeling of fear by thinking about the enormous number of years that they can spend behind the walls of a prison. Linking Words
Therefore
, they are most likely to avoid committing a crime and are better off continuing their life in freedom. It is an extremely effective way since people always respond to incentives, whether it is a discount in a shop or a rise in accommodation prices. Linking Words
This
is just how the human brain works, the negative consequences of an illegal action outweigh the benefits, making the offence absolutely unattractive, Linking Words
thus
future offenders will think twice before doing something illegal.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, providing Linking Words
community
with jobs and increasing law enforcement agencies Add an article
the community
such
as police on the streets might seem an effective method as well. The origins of an offence take its roots from unemployment issues Linking Words
along with
the absence of punitive forces. Linking Words
For example
, in Salvador, there are troops and patrols almost every second mile, and nowadays Salvador has become one of the safest countries in the world. Linking Words
This
approach establishes the direct sense of fear for delinquentsLinking Words
,
because they are afraid that they can be caught immediately. Remove the comma
apply
Moreover
, an increased presence of squad officers secures working individuals, who before the reform were usually robbed by offenders, Linking Words
therefore
more individuals choose to work than rob.
In my opinion, it is better to stick to the second approach, because long sentences deprive criminals of the ability to cooperate within society, and Linking Words
consequently
increase Linking Words
a
chance of recidivism. Delinquents in confinement do not know about changes that happen in societyCorrect article usage
the
,
and Remove the comma
apply
also
get accustomed to a jail life year by year, and longer terms will negatively contribute to Linking Words
this
situation.
In conclusion, despite the fact that long-lasting jail terms create an incentive for delinquents to not commit an offence, it increases the chances of recidivism. Linking Words
Thus
, in my opinion, it is better to provide people with jobs and incorporate more law enforcement and patrols into the living areas.Linking Words
Submitted by akylov.a on
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lexical resource
Try using more varied sentence structures to improve your lexical resource score. Currently, it is mainly simple and compound sentences in use here.
task response
Ensure a balance between both views in terms of elaboration. The second viewpoint could use a bit more elaboration to be on par with the first.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing like 'in jail life year by year' to improve accuracy and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples such as the case of Salvador to support your ideas.
task achievement
The essay thoroughly discusses both views and gives a clear opinion, which directly addresses the task.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example