IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Governments prohibiting underage children from getting full-time jobs in certain countries. Do you agree or disagree?

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Children have many chances to access full-
time
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 jobs in different countries. The
government
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 imposes a policy to prohibit teenagers to get a
job
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.
Although
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 underage children have a full-
time
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job
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 that brings some benefits, they
also
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 have negative effects. My point of view that teenagers working full
time
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 should be banned by the
government
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. In general, there is a multitude of benefits to teenagers working full
time
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, including accumulated experiences and money.
For example
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, when children have a full-
time
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job
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, they will get out of their parents’ bring up. Children can approach new knowledge and experience from real life and improve their soft skills
such
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 as communication and solving problems. If teenagers working with adults who are colleagues in the workplace, they will guide children
and
Suggestion
And
 give children advice to develop better.
Furthermore
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, children working 8 hours per day, they are enough
ability
Suggestion
able
 to earn money.
This
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 helps teenagers become more and more independent and know how to have spending spend on daily life or save up money for the future. If the
government
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do not ban
Suggestion
does not ban
 the underage children to get full-
time
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 jobs,
this
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 would bring the number of benefits
On the other hand
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, full-
time
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 jobs have negative effects on underage children like studying
time
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 and
health
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. These are reasons for governments should ban
this
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 situation of children working.
For instance
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, when teenagers focus on a full-
time
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job
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, they are not having enough
time
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 to study and complete assignments.
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this
Suggestion
This
 directly impacts on their performance in school so they do not ensure achievements.
Additionally
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, underage children
also
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 suffer from stress if they have to do work too much. Their mental
health
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 and physical
health
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 are workloads because they do not have leisure
time
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 to relax or join outdoor activities.
Thus
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, underage children working full-
time
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 is illegal in many countries. Teenagers should concentrate on learning, maintenance good
health
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instead
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 of working. In conclusion, despite getting a full-
time
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job
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 many bring experience from social for children, the situation should be imposed by the
government
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 in many countries to make sure that children should have good conditions to grow up.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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