IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time
Introduction: In modern society, the issue of using new technologies is a topic of controversy. Some people believe that children
are changed
Suggestion
have changed
change
 in their free
time
 by high-technologies.
Although
 there are some benefits to
this
 trend, I would argue that there are far more drawbacks. On the one hand, there are some benefits when children use new technologies.
First
 of all, new technologies are more convenient for children to study with the help of computers or
smartphones
Suggestion
smart phones
.
This
 is because there is much educational software available on these gadgets that support learning and encourage children to learn.
Furthermore
, using new technologies
allow
Suggestion
allows
 children to entertain and
destress
psychological suffering
distress
 after a hard day’s study. Just with networked
technology gadgets
Accept comma addition
technology, gadgets
, children can easily watch some funny videos. It will enable them to feel more comfortable and relax.
On the other hand
, despite the benefits mentioned above, I believe that these benefits are out weighted by the negatives.
Firstly
, when children spend their
time
 using technology, they might develop some health problems.
For example
, children tend to sit too long to watch TV programs and look at the screen for a long
time
.
Thus
, It can make children suffer from eye problems
such
 as short-sightedness.
Secondly
, using new technologies might negatively affect children’s study performance.
This
 is because these children can be attracted to games, TV programs from
smartphones
Suggestion
smart phones
, TV, laptops, and tablets.
As a result
, they spend less
time
 studying and get lower results. In conclusion, while I recognize some benefits of
this
 trend, I still believe that these benefits are overshadowed by the drawbacks of the above-mentioned argument.
Submitted by Bich Thi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Cyberbullying
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Inappropriate content
  • Self-learning
  • Screen time
  • Social inequality
  • Enhanced communication
  • Creative expression
  • Educational resources
What to do next:
Look at other essays: